They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
