Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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