Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
