i barfeds in our rink
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
