david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
someone owes me an orgasm
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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