Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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