she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
