I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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