So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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