I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
