If i come over, it means nothing
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
