Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.

Fav 14 1221 2895
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(662): View more from Mississippi

An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.

Fav 19 1482 3650
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.

Fav 14 3814 1058
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(952): View more from Minnesota

Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.

Fav 15 1225 4433
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(785): View more from Kansas

That reminds me...we need to get swords

Fav 15 7523 1386
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(740): View more from Ohio

new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.

(419): View more from Ohio

you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.

Fav 27 4676 1268
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(+79): View more from

Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight

Fav 18 5152 1764
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(813): View more from Florida

He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.

Fav 3 403 262
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!

Fav 0 64 3
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