My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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