If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
