He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
