My hand turned me down
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
