Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
