after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Mom said you looked used
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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