There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
