Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
