i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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