No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
