pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
