soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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