went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
