Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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