If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
