Heybabeimwearingurpanties
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
