what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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