And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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