We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
