I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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