I wanna passion pit in your ass
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
