my shit smells like andre
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
