They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
