I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
