Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
