Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
