I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
