Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
