My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
