Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
