I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
