i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Two words: nipple clamps
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