I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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