I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
