I didn't shave. On purpose
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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