Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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