He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
