feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
