you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
